
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3966430.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Batman_-_All_Media_Types
  Relationship:
      Dick_Grayson/Jason_Todd
  Character:
      Jason_Todd, Dick_Grayson, Bruce_Wayne
  Additional Tags:
      lots_of_feelings_and_emotions_and_very_fluffy_smut, That's_really_it,
      underage_tag_is_simply_for_some_mild_flashbacks, both_characters_are
      currently_of_age
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-05-19 Words: 6429
****** Some Things You Don't Forget ******
by TimmyJaybird
Summary
     Jason used to look at Dick like he was the entire world. And all he
     wanted, years later, was for Dick to look at him that same way, just
     once.
Notes
     Technically there are some mentionings of when they were underage,
     but as it's not overtly sexual, I did not feel the underage tag was
     necessary.
“You’re a cocky asshole.” Jason’s teeth were gritted as he spoke, watching as
Dick worked at the seams of his suit. He’d torn off his helmet the moment they
were in the cave, tossing it to the side, glaring at him.
“Why? For knowing I could make that jump?” Dick tugged one glove off, plucking
his mask off with his now bare fingers and setting it aside. He blinked a few
times, adjusting to the bare, low light of the cave. He liked it more when the
lights were dimmed, made it feel less clinical. Jason didn’t respond, looking
away to close his eyes, pinch the bridge of his nose. He had a headache coming
on.
Behind his eyelids, he could see Dick, throwing himself off the building, free
falling, in an attempt to intercept a woman who had been tossed off the
neighboring building. Jason had been clutching the arms of two other civilians,
a couple, who had both screamed when Dick threw himself over the edge without a
thought.
Jason had watched, eyes wide, as his once-almost brother had flipped himself,
turned into his back, grabbing her as she got closer, turning them against to
clutch her to his chest, having precious few seconds to get a hookshot form his
waist, fire it, and hope it caught.
“He’s Nightwing,” Jason had breathed to the panicking civilians in his grasp,
“He never misses a landing.”
Which was mostly true. Jason had seen him botch a few, but he was still
standing- or, falling, in that moment- in one piece. He belonged in the sky, in
the air-
Didn’t mean Jason didn’t think he was batshit crazy, in that moment.
“It was reckless,” Jason finally said, watching as Dick stripped of his other
glove, then went back to working the top of his suit. Not that he expected
anything else from Dick. He’d seen him when he got his own colors, when he
passed the Robin uniform to him- and he had been. Terribly cocky, reckless, but
so damn good it almost didn’t matter.
He glanced away as Dick stripped out of his boots, the bottom of his suit,
finding a pair of sweatpants and throwing them on instead. He walked barefoot
through the cave, towards the elevator, and Jason hesitated a moment, then
chose to follow, even if he hadn’t been invited. Truth be told, he hadn’t even
been invited into Gotham, he had just meant to pass through. In and out without
having to see the family in any way- but he should have known better. Bruce had
eyes everywhere, it would always get back to him if someone was in his city.
Jason hadn’t expected Dick to just show up in the middle of the road though.
With his cocky smile and his arms folded, Jason having to swerve his bike at
the last second, nearly toppling over. He’d screamed at him for it, but Dick
had just shrugged a shoulder, told him Bruce wanted to know what he was doing
in Gotham.
Don’t tell me you weren’t going to drop in and say hi. Jason had laughed,
wanted to spit back that he didn’t need to see any of them- but that was when
Bruce was falling Dick, over the com link, and whether Jason wanted to or not,
he was suddenly on his bike again with Dick behind him, racing for downtown
Gotham because it was going to be the fastest way to get the man where he was
needed.
And like it or not, Jason had been pulled into the action with the rest of the
present family.
He didn’t step onto the elevator for a moment, and Dick reached out, holding
the doors open. “Bruce will have my head if I leave you alone in the cave.” It
seemed like the closest thing to an invitation he’d get, and Jason climbed on,
trying to stand as far away from the other man as possible and not seem
obvious. He felt funny, strange, like he was anxious and crawling under his
skin and slightly hot, and Jason knew the cause. Knew it and hated it.
It was all Dick’s fault.
The slipped into the silence of the manor, the firsts to return. Bruce had
stayed to do a final sweep of the city, keeping Damian with him. Stephanie had
gone off as well, but Dick had said he didn’t expect her back at the manor.
Tim, it seemed, was with the Titans.
So it was simply them.
Dick made his way towards the large main staircase, stopping to glance back at
Jason, who seemed out of place, looking around as if he needed to find the
door. Dick knew he knew exactly where it was.
“You don’t have to just leave,” he said, “You know it.”
“Don’t think Bruce is too keen on having people like me in his home.” By that,
he meant people who didn’t follow his stupid rule. People man enough to pull
the goddamn trigger when it needed to be done. People with blood on their
hands.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Dick turned. “You’re part of this family
still, like it or not. So are you coming up, or are you leaving?” Jason knew he
should leave, should turn right around and head out that door, get the hell out
of Gotham. He didn’t belong here, not anymore. Hadn’t in a long time.
He watched Dick reach up, rubbing the crook of his neck, and frowned, daring to
take a step up the stairs. “You pull something?”
“I’m fine.” Jason ignored him, ignored his better judgement too, and reached
out, swatting Dick’s hand away and pressing his gloved hand against the muscle,
pushing in. Dick made a little noise, the kind that was contained, barely more
then a breath.
“You’re wound tighter then the damn Joker,” he said, watching Dick’s eyes flash
at the mention of the clown. Seemed no one could handle Jason making a joke
about the man. “Fine. I’ll stay, but only if you let me help.”
“Where’s the real Jason?” Dick asked, turning away, heading up the stairs,
Jason right behind him. Jason didn’t answer him, even as they made it into
Dick’s room, the door clicking shut behind them. Dick walked over to his bed,
flopping down, on his stomach, his face buried in a pillow, and Jason felt his
stomach tighten, once, almost painfully. Pulling on his gloves, he walked over,
heard Dick say, almost mockingly, “Your boots are not coming on my bed,” and
kicked them off, tossing his gloves as well and climbing on.
He wasn’t sure Dick actually expected him to, to straddle the backs of his
thighs- because the moment he did, he tensed, shifting to glance back at Jason.
“What?”
“...Didn’t actually expect you to.” He glanced away, folding his arms, resting
his head on them, and Jason dared to run one hand up the curve of his back,
along his spine.
“Yeah well. I’m feeling nice tonight. Probably just enjoy it.” Jason leaned
over, pressing his hands to Dick’s shoulders, working the muscle so that Dick
groaned instantly, dropping his head so it wasn’t his chin, but his forehead
against his arms. Jason felt the tension, the over extension of muscle over and
over again, nights prior but tonight especially. He exhaled, thumbs pushing at
the base of Dick’s neck, at the pressure point where it always seemed to
collect for him.
Jason knew this, knew it from memories of what felt like a lifetime ago, of a
boy coming off the streets with a huge grin on his face, with energy to burn. A
boy who had looked up at his almost-brother and asked to spar, to go out for
just one more run around the city.
A Jason who wanted nothing more then to watch Dick move, fly through the air,
to taste Gotham’s night sky in his mouth and swing next to him.
Dick used to laugh at him, but he indulged him, sparring with him until Bruce
kicked them out of the cave, told them to go to bed. Then Dick would sneak
Jason into his room, continue the fight there- but lighter, more playful, until
he was flipping Jason up onto his bed, and the it was done. He had won. He
still had size, practice on Jason- and even if he had raw talent, he didn’t
stand up to him, yet.
Jason closed his eyes, drank down the sound Dick gave him as he dragged his
thumbs along his spine, all the way to the base of his back, pulling the
tension out to his hips. He knew the paths Dick liked, had them committed to
memory- because he had told him, taught him after those fights. When he would
crawl onto his bed and rub Jason’s shoulders until it didn’t feel like he’d
taken a beating, been run over by a truck, before telling Jason exactly how to
touch him, where to put his hands, the pressure he needed, to exact movement.
“You’re still-“ Dick was cut off, groaned as Jason worked his shoulders again,
“still good at this.”
“Some things you don’t forget.” Jason’s voice was quiet, and he didn’t like it,
didn’t like how it felt to have Dick under his hands, his finger tips. Didn’t
like that he could remember the butterflies he used to get as a kid, getting to
touch him. The stupid rush of heat to his cheeks because Dick was pretty, he
was the goddamn boy wonder, or had been- and Jason just thought the world of
him.
He worked on Dick’s right side, the kink of muscle from twisting, grabbing that
woman mid fall. Dick’s groan was breathy, and Jason shifted, all too aware that
when he moved, he pressed right against Dick’s ass, that the position was
compromising, to say the least.
That heat under his skin had flared to hellfire, his stomach in knots, his
spine tingling. He needed to diffuse this, the silence in the air, the only
sounds their breaths, Dick’s groans. It was too thick, suffocating, and he
needed a way to distract them both.
“You remember sparring in here?” Dick shifted a bit, lifting his head and only
glancing back at him.
“Of course I do. You do?” Jason rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t forget everything before...” he trailed off, chose to not put words
to his brief absence from life, his trip into a tight, hot abyss that still
gave him nightmares. “I didn’t forget,” he said, again.
“Sometimes you act like you forgot a lot.” Jason stopped moving for a moment,
that hesitation enough to have Dick turning to glance further back at him as he
started moving his hands again.
“I didn’t.” Jason didn’t know what else to say, what Dick was getting at. He
tried to not look at him, just his hands, but Dick was moving, shifting too
much.
“You can stop, Jay.” Jason pulled back, situating himself back up on his knees,
pulling his hands back into his own space. He hesitated a moment, then moved
off of Dick, settling down on the opposite side of the bed, hanging his legs
off it, ready to leave. He’d stayed long enough.
Dick rolled over, didn’t sit up, just laid on his back, arms folded behind his
head, staring at him. Jason felt those eyes, felt them burning into the back of
his head, and held his gaze on the opposite window, on the night sky beyond it.
“What?” he finally asked, unable to stand the silence, that feeling of being
watched. Dick’s mouth curved, slightly, into a fond sort of smile.
“So you remember...” Dick let himself trail off, and Jason closed his eyes,
exhaled. He knew what Dick was talking about, knew that one specific night,
sliver of time, where Dick had gone to flip him onto the bed, to end their
little game for the night, and Jason had been just a moment faster, had
crouched and then turned, throwing his weight onto Dick and spilling them both
onto the bed, breathy, panting from the exercise. Dick had laughed, his
breathy, happy laugh, and ruffled Jason’s hair and smiled at him in such a way
that Jason’s stomach had gone to butterflies.
He hadn’t been able to stop himself. He had leaned up, pressed his near
quivering lips to Dick’s quickly, a hasty, almost chaste kiss, just a press of
his mouth, a flush growing in his cheeks, and then he was pulling back, away,
trying to push himself off Dick so he could get as far from that room as
possible. Hiding under his own bed had been his first choice.
But Dick had been faster, and grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back,
kissing him differently, far less innocent that Jason had. The kind of kiss
that had Jason fidgeting around, making little noises, nearly crying when
Dick’s tongue had traced his lower lip.
It was that that Dick was talking about.
Jason didn’t know why Dick had to bring it up- did he just want to gloat? Want
to rub it into Jason’s face that he’d been a stupid kid with a stupid crush?
And a stupid inability to say no.
Not that he’d needed to, not that it had ever gone that far, but there were
nights when the sparring ended in kisses a lot less innocent then that first
one. It was embarrassing to Jason, now, remembering the way he’d squirm against
Dick, let the older boy almost rut against him as they grasped at each other,
neither entirely sure where to take these kisses, how to really proceed. Fresh,
new territory it had been, for both of them- Jason, in general, and Dick with
another boy.
“Yeah,” Jason finally said, “Yeah. I do.” Dick shifted a little, finally
sitting up, eyes moving over the curve of Jason’s shoulder. “Why? Don’t tell me
you have wet dreams about me or somethin’.”
Dick didn’t say anything, Jason’s sarcasm an obvious defense. Instead he
reached out, traced his hand up along his shoulder, grabbing it and forcing him
to turn. Jason did, ready to tell Dick to lay off, expecting the man to tease
him-
Instead, he got Dick’s mouth pressed right up against his. It was quick, barely
any movement, but when he was pulling away, Jason couldn’t breathe. He simply
stared, and Dick smiled, smiled at him, hand leaving his shoulder to reach up,
brush his knuckles along his cheek.
“I was worried you forgot.” His hand moved back, into Jason’s hair, fingers
tangling in with those short, dark locks, and Jason felt his heart in his
throat, against the back of his tongue, throbbing, tugging on every heart
string, tugging on every nerve in his body. Hurting, because Dick looked so
sweet, looked younger then he was, looked so pretty, and the way he was looking
at him-
He’d seen that look before, when Dick had him pressed into his pillows, was
squirming between his legs, kissing him until they were both whimpering, had
seen it when Dick would pull back and just stare at him, need to watch him. It
was awe.
Jason leaned in, pressed his mouth against Dick’s and squeezed his eyes shut,
the corners stinging. He couldn’t handle Dick looking at him like that, like he
used to. Couldn’t handle thinking that he cared, that he had truly cared back
then- that it hadn’t gone away.
Dick grasped at him with his other hand, his jacket, tugging him down so they
sprawled out on the bed, Jason partially on top of him. Jason tried to pull
back, but Dick didn’t let him, took the kiss from him and made it something
new, harder presses of his mouth, the sudden feeling of Jason’s lip between his
teeth. The younger man groaned, not sure where to put his hands,settling for
clutching at the sheets instead.
When Dick finally released his mouth he nudged Jason’s chin up with his nose,
kissed at his throat, lightly, smiling into his skin. Jason’s eyes had opened
and he gasped, felt his body quake once.
“I didn’t want you to,” Dick whispered, “to forget. Any of it.” His hands had
begun to roam Jason, along his sides, up under his jacket. Jason felt his body
tense, unsure how he should be reacting- pulling away? Pushing closer?
Dick kissed up the side of his neck, right under his throat. “Your crush was
cute,” he whispered, nipping at his ear lobe. “Almost as bad as mine was.”
Jason closed his eyes again, couldn’t handle this, felt like a child again,
felt like the boy who had kissed Dick and wanted to hide from the world. The
boy who had thought the world revolved around his predecessor. The boy who had
wanted nothing more then to have Dick look at him with those pretty eyes like
he was the only thing in the world.
“Stop,” he whispered, as Dick’s hands were pushing his shirt up, pressing to
the bare skin at his waist. “Dick, don’t-“
“Why not?” He mouthed at his neck again, inhaling the smell of the exhaust from
his bike, cigarettes, everything that made of Gotham’s air.
“I can’t,” Jason pulled away, managed to sit up, his breath rushing out of him.
Dick stared at him with wide eyes, shocked, almost hurt, and Jason felt his
chest caving in. “I just. No, Dick. No.”
He half expected Dick to grab him, to pull him in for another kiss, but the man
kept his hands to himself, respecting the refusal. Jason sucked on his own
tongue, watched Dick look away, could barely handle the ache in each and every
fiber of his being. He couldn’t because it would kill him, having to life
through those feelings again. He had died with them, in his chest, died knowing
he had loved Dick and had never told him, died wanting to kiss him again, to
curl up in the night and pretend that he was safe.
He couldn’t drag those back up, not to have them haunt him. If he was going to
have Dick, he was going to leave nothing left for the rest of the world. He was
sure the other man wasn’t ready for that.
“You know, after you...” Dick trailed off, and it seemed neither of them could
verbally acknowledge Jason’s first death. “I was locked in here. I didn’t leave
this fucking bed for a day, two, I don’t know. Alfred knows. He counted. But
there was a pillow that smelled like you, and when I closed my eyes...well, I
could pretend it never happened. It was a bad dream. And you were just asleep,
right here, next to me, like you used to do on those late nights. Like you just
didn’t want to walk back to your room.”
He reached up, brushed a hand back through his hair, a nervous chuckle on his
lips.
“Guess I...I never really got over it.” He shrugged a shoulder, Jason watching
each little movement. “Never got over you.”
Jason felt his chest crushing in, and suddenly he was back, pushing back up
against Dick. He didn’t kiss him, simply pushed him back to the bed, pressed
his face to the crook of his neck, inhaled and shook, let himself finally
tremble, as the other man wrapped his arms around him, held him tight.
“I hate you,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, hating that they were wet,
that he was so undone. Hating himself, hating this man, hating whatever
affections he held for him- because he had thought he was past this, past
letting anything in enough to touch him like this. Thought he was seamless,
crackless.
“I love you too, kid,” Dick whispered, and Jason almost laughed, shook once in
silence and then pushed himself up, looked down at Dick.
“I’m not a kid anymore,” he reminded him, and Dick ran his hands up along his
arms, cocking his head to once side.
“Prove it,” he teased, easing Jason away from the emotional onslaught, away
from the cracking points in his armor- because he could feel it, the way he was
slipping, from himself. Knew Jason had a voice in him, had hell inside his
chest, and didn’t want to see him suffer there, drowning again.
Jason quirked up an eyebrow, dared to smile, and Dick was pulling him down,
kissing him again. This time, the kissed was liquid, was slow and burning,
Dick’s tongue tracing his lips, Jason not wanting to let it on, trying to push
past it. Dick’s hands easing his jacket off his shoulders, pushing his shirt up
his sides once it was gone, fingers tracing scars, scars he didn’t know,
stories he had never been told.
They broke so that Jason could pull the shirt over his head, toss it to the
side, before he leaned down to kiss Dick again, one hand finding his belly,
laying flat over muscle, skimming over skin until his fingers pushed past the
band of his sweatpants, Dick pushing his hips up, encouraging Jason to dip
under the waistband of his underwear, to let his fingers brush along the base
of his cock.
He hadn’t expected to find Dick aroused- at least, not in the state he was,
fully hard and moaning the moment Jason’s fingers were there. He swallowed down
the sound, grasped him, stroking him inside his clothing. Dick’s hands squeezed
at his sides, then fluttered down to his own body, the kiss breaking as he
pealed his clothing down to his thighs, his hips rising and a hiss leaving his
lips as fevered skin met cool air.
“See-what you,” he started, breathy already, “do to-me?” Jason felt his stomach
flip, watched the way Dick’s lips parted as he moaned, the way his cheeks were
flushing, color on his neck too. The fever of want, a disease he had in him
too, felt his own cock aching, his own body in endless steel knots.
Dick groaned as Jason rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock, then right
under it, teasing the bundle of nerves there. He felt Dick’s mouth moving over
his neck, teeth dragging along his skin, his hands grabbing at his lower back,
then his ass, and Jason moaned, didn’t mean to but Dick’s hands felt so good,
had always felt good, even when they were fists, when they had pressed into him
with bruising force as a kid. Even then, they had felt good.
When his hands left his ass, Jason almost whined, managed to swallow back the
embarrassing sound, as Dick’s hands moved to his belt, working it open, then
his pants-
And god, when he pulled his cock free, stroked it at the same rhythm Jason was
using on him, he was sure he was dreaming. Sure Dick was going to disappear and
he was going to wake up to a mess on his sheets, alone with just the memory of
what he had wanted so badly.
“I want you to do something, Jason,” Dick managed, the younger man only
nodding, lips slack, unsure how words were even possible, how Dick could even
think. Dick leaned up, kissed the corner of Jason’s mouth, squeezing his cock
as he did so, whispering, “I want you to fuck me.”
Jason gasped then, groaned, couldn’t believe what he was hearing, that he was
here, in this moment. He shook once, felt Dick letting go of his cock, guiding
Jason’s hand away from his own, kissing along his jawline.
“Please?”
Jason nodded, almost uncontrollably, felt like a bumbling idiot as Dick smiled,
so sweetly, running one finger down his chest.
“Nightstand,” he whispered, and Jason was moving, leaning over him and opening
it, rummaging around. He grasped a small bottle, nearly dropped it trying to
get it over to the bed, tried to open it but his hands were shaking. He was on
overload.
Dick reached up, taking it from his hands and popping it open. With one hand he
grabbed Jason’s wrists- but then, instead of leaning the bottle over his
fingers, sucked two into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, feeling
Jason shake for him, loving the way his pupils dilated. When he guided them
from his mouth, dragging them along his lower lip, he did hold Jason’s hand
still, pouring the lube over his fingers, then setting the bottle aside,
working it along the digits, until he was satisfied.
Jason moved, when his hand was released, Dick arching up to fully peal his
clothing off, tossing it over the side of the bed. When he spread his legs,
Jason nearly died again, felt his heart lurch with excitement, his cock twitch.
He settled between them, one hand running along a thigh, feeling the muscle,
the way it flexed beneath skin, his other hand slipping lower, between flesh
and pressing against Dick’s hole.
Dick exhaled, as if calming himself, then, “Both at once,” and Jason was
listening, pushing two overly slick fingers into his body. He was shockingly
relaxed, and Jason wasn’t sure if it was will power or the amount of lube on
his fingers, but they fit so easily into Dick, moving without pain as Dick
tipped his head back, Jason trying to keep a steady thrust, scissoring them
from time to time, liking the way it made Dick shake, just once.
He added a third before Dick told him, was rewarded with a groan, the man
arching his back, one hand scrambling along the sheets. Jason drank it all
down, felt nearly giddy over the fact that he was making Dick react like that,
he was the one making him come undone, undiluted around the seams. He was the
one forcing his way into the center of his world.
“O-kay,” Dick breathed out, even as Jason curled his fingers, hit that sweet
spot inside him and had him crying out. “Jay. Jay s-stop,” he panted, tossing
his head. Jason stilled his movements, sure for a second that he had done
something wrong, but Dick was reaching down, grasping at his wrist, guiding his
hand away from his body. “Don’t make me cum before we even start.”
Dick smiled, and Jason exhaled, chuckled, felt the butterflies rising up in his
stomach again.
“Pants off first,” Dick teased, and Jason scrambled off the bed, to finish
stripping, before climbing back on, between Dick’s thighs, grasping the bottle
of lube and pouring some into his palm. He reached down, stroked himself, saw
Dick watching him and couldn’t help but tip his head back, thrust into his own
hand, groan once. “Jay,” he breathed, trying to hook his leg behind his thighs.
“Jay come here, this isn’t fair.”
Jason smiled, listening, sliding in closer and grabbing one thigh, pulling it
up towards his waist as his other hand held the base of his cock, began guiding
himself inside. Dick’s breath caught in his throat, a choked sound escape him,
and as soon as Jason was fully inside him he was pushing himself up, reaching
for him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer.
He kissed him again, felt like the first and thousandth time, and Jason moved
his mouth in every way Dick imagined he would, now- like he had when he was
younger, when he was nervous and excited and so completely enthralled.
“Slowly,” Dick whispered, and Jason eased his hips back, rocking in slowly,
feeling Dick shake once, his mouth on his jaw. Dick’s grip tightened around him
and Jason wrapped an arm around him, trying to steady the two as they teetered
between a delicate state of balance and tumbling, breathless to the bed.
Jason was torn between wanting to drive into Dick, to lose himself, and the
sweet rhythm they had, to ease of it, the way he was almost more concerned with
the way Dick would grasp his shoulders, kiss his throat, whisper his name. The
way it didn’t seem like they were fucking, like it was something else-
His stomach knotted for the countless time that night, and Jason turned, found
Dick’s mouth and kissed him, kissed him like he could tell him the story of his
life without a single word. All the time spent away, all the secrets when he
was a child. All the awe and wonder and love he had felt then, when looking at
him.
“You’re fucking amazing,” Jason breathed, and Dick smiled, reached up to brush
his thumb along his cheek. They were barely moving now, simply tied together,
connected, their seams merging. Dick kept kissing him, quickly, his mouth and
then the corner, his jaw, back to his lips. Like he needed to map his entire
face for memory.
“And you’re real,” Dick whispered, clutching him tighter. “Sometimes I worry
you’re not.”
Jason felt his chest tightening, reached up to grip Dick’s chin and kiss him,
unable to stop himself from shaking, stop his eyes from watering, small wet
trails appearing on his cheeks.
Sometimes, he worried he wasn’t real, too.
Dick wrapped both arms around his neck, clutching onto him, kissing up his
cheek, licking at one salty path, kissing the corner of his eye, his temple. He
hushed him, he whispered his name, over and over again, like he was bringing
Jason to life, pulling him back from the world of the dead, casting a spell to
make sure each bit of his soul materialized in that very room.
When Dick kissed him again, Jason could taste his own tears, and he shifted,
had Dick whimpering, the movement sparking their nerves back to life, reminding
them of the intimate lock they had each other in.
“How do you-“ Jason whispered, and Dick let go of him, falling back into the
pillows, spreading his thighs and then holding his arms out, welcoming him in.
Jason leaned over him, thrusting up into him as Dick grasped at his shoulders,
gave a cry, the pleasure that had eased firing back up through his spine,
inside his body.
“Like this,” Dick answered, even as Jason thrust into him, had him groaning
between words. “With you looking at me.” Jason choked, couldn’t tear his eyes
away from Dick’s, from the impossible dark blue, from the curve of his cheek
bones below, the way his lips tugged when he moaned, smiled, said Jason’s name.
“I always look at you,” Jason confessed, because it was true. Anytime he was in
Gotham, anytime he crossed paths with this man, he looked right into him, tried
to see the boy he had fallen so madly for as a child, saw the man he wanted to
grasp, to hold, to cling to as unravel for. He looked at Dick like he was the
only thing in the world.
“Like I’m the only one in the world.” Jason lost his breath, kissed Dick,
sucked on his lower lip, made him whine.
“You are,” he breathed, and Dick was clutching tighter, gasping, breath coming
faster, pulse pounding through his body. Jason shivered as his blunt nails dug
into his skin, couldn’t help but thrust faster, couldn’t help the pressure
building in his spine. Dick’s breathing was gaspy, rushed, and he was quivering
now.
“Do you want me-“ Jason started, but Dick was shaking his head, liking the way
Jason had him framed, his forearms pressed into the pillows around Dick’s head.
“I-don’t need it,” he managed, arching his hips up, and suddenly he was crying
out, Jason hitting that sweet bundle of nerves that had him seeing stars. He
clutched Jason as if death threatened to carry him away again, and Jason aimed,
hit that spot again, and again, and again, until Dick was gone, undone and
sobbing his name, shaking as his body clenched him tightly, as he came with
Jason’s name falling form his tongue like a prayer.
Jason followed, completely undone from the way Dick’s face looked like pure
bliss, from the fact that he was making him feel good, that he had done this,
had managed to satisfy this man. He groaned, his thrusts stilling as he filled
Dick, and then he was shaking too, feeling as if he was plummeting down from a
high.
When Jason pulled out, Dick whined, let the broken sound fall openly from his
mouth. He slipped over his side, laying down next to him, as Dick shifted onto
his side so he could face Jason. He reached out, pulled the younger man into
his arms, forcing Jason to rest his head on his chest s he rolled back onto his
back, stroking the curve of Jason’s shoulder blades, the beginning of his
spine.
Neither spoke for a moment, Jason listened to the beat of Dick’s heart, his
breathing, before finally, “I do always look at you.”
Dick smiled, hand tracing up to tease the ends of his hair. “I know,” he
whispered, “You did when we were kids, too. It was the sweetest thing anyone
has ever done, still.” Jason said nothing, traced his fingers along the curves
of the muscle along Dick’s stomach. “You know, I used to forget what I was
doing sometimes, when you were in the room.”
Jason shifted, pushed himself up and glanced back at Dick, the other man’s hand
falling away from his body.
“I couldn’t stop looking at you. You were just...you were something else, Jay.
You are something else.” He reached up, traced knuckles along his cheek again.
“When you were around, you were the absolute center.”
Jason felt his stomach clenching, couldn’t handle another breakdown, another
crack in his skin. His fingers were trembling, and Dick took his hand, kissing
his knuckles.
“I loved you then,” he added, glancing up, “and I wasn’t lying before. I still
do.”
With that, Jason felt everything around him shrinking, caving in, crushing into
him. He couldn’t be living this, it was too good, too good for him. Nothing
ever worked out like this in his life- not for long, anyway.
He pulled away from Dick, moving from the bed. “I just,” he started, feeling
awkward as he stepped into his underwear, pants. “I need some air.”
Dick didn’t fight him, nodded, watching him cross the room, shirtless, opening
up Dick’s balcony doors and stepping outside. The chill sunk right into his
lungs as he fumbled around his pockets, found his lighter, cigarettes. He
shoved one between his lips, tried to get a flame and shield it from the wind,
but it seemed damn near impossible. He cursed, finally getting the flame to
take, and inhaled deeply, the rush of nicotine what he needed. He exhaled, let
his head fall back, listening to Dick moving behind him. He had left the door
open, afraid Dick would think he was running away from him.
He wasn’t. Jason wanted to run away from himself, from his luck, from what
seemed to be an endless game of hard to get he played with happiness.
Jason took another drag, before suddenly the door to Dick’s room was opening.
Jason turned, felt his blood going cold as Bruce stared into the room. He
wasn’t in his suit, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t terrifying.
He was holding Jason’s helmet.
He was looking at Dick, as if he didn’t see Jason, and maybe- maybe he didn’t.
It was late, the night had been long, and maybe Jason could simply disappear
for a minute.
“Perfect,” Dick said, taking the helmet before Bruce could say anything, “Saves
me a trip. Everyone in one piece?” Bruce nodded. “Good. So Jason is staying the
night. We can play catch up in the morning. We’re kind of...tired.”
Bruce glanced past Dick, caught Jason’s stare. Jason held it, his cigarette
burning between two fingers, his chest tight. He held that stare, and he saw
something in Bruce’s eyes, a veil of sadness falling, disbelief- like he
wouldn’t let himself believe Jason was there.
And then he was leaving, not commenting on either’s state of near undress.
Jason turned away, taking a hasty drag on his cigarette, as Dick tossed his
helmet onto his jacket and walked over to him, sliding right up next to him.
“You are staying, right?” Jason glanced at him, took another drag, held it for
a moment.
“Yeah,” he said, as he exhaled. “Yeah. I think you convinced me.” Dick grinned,
turned Jason and plucked the cigarette from his fingers, tossing it away as he
leaned in, kissed him, tasted it on his lips.
“Good,” he whispered, “because after that, if I wake up clutching another
pillow that just smells like you, I think I’ll lose my mind.” He took Jason’s
arm, tugging him inside, and Jason followed, feeling that fluttering in his
stomach, his chest. That crazy sort of infatuation that had always come when he
looked at Dick, from the days when they were kids fighting for fun, from the
moments when Dick kissed him and Jason simply didn’t know if it was even real-
To the moment he had thought about his pretty eyes, in those final, crazy
moments before life ended, for a short time.
And maybe he didn’t have the best luck, maybe this wouldn’t last. Maybe
someday, he’d lose Dick again, be lost himself.
There were a lot of maybes, but for once, Jason didn’t care. Didn’t want to
care. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed with Dick, let the man fit
perfectly along the curves of his back and hold him, like he had when they were
kids, when Jason refused to leave. All he wanted to do was relive those
moments, for just one night, the fluttering of his heart, the comfort in having
Dick’s hand to hold.
He would enjoy this, every last moment, until it was gone. And he would always
have his memories, even when he was gone, faded back into the abyss of
nonexistence. Nothing could take these moments away from him- he knew it was
true, as he stretched out in Dick’s bed, like he had so long agao, and as he
had hoped, the older man curled up behind him, pulling him back against his
chest, nearly cradling him. Jason sighed, felt Dick kissing his hair.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Jay,” he whispered, and as if he was inside
Jason’s mind, added, “I promise.”
Jason believed him. He allowed himself the luxury of trust, if only for
tonight.
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